Hi Brandon. Your brother was born 6 days ago. So far you've been an amazing big brother. You love holding Codi and "petting him". You like to watch him sleep in his bassinet and you get really upset when he cries. I hope you don't feel left out and you understand this is all going to take some adjustment. You are still so important to me and I love you just as much today as I did 6 days ago before your brother was born. There are moments when you now seem so giant to me and then there are moments when you still seem so small.
Your new favorite thing to say is, "Let's Roll." You are addicted to going to the park and love pancakes. You are so smart and it amazes me every day. Sometimes I wonder how a two year old can be so amazingly smart. I hope you know that no matter what happens I love you. Your still a major part of my life. I'm learning how to spread my love between both you and your brother now. I hope that never a day goes by where you feel any less loved. Your not, if anything I love you more watching you be an amazing big brother.
Good night my son.
I love you!
Mom.
11.22.2007
11.09.2007
So you always know
In 7 days I will be going to the hospital to have your brother. I will be having a big surgery. While I trust my doctor there is always the possibility something could happen. So I wanted to write you, now before it is to late.
You are two. Well two and 3.5 months. You are amazing. You are clever and it blows my mind. You are potty trained. You come to me now and tell me you are happy. You have an evil grin, a real grin and a sad face.
What you really need to know though is you are my whole life. You are my heart and soul and my world. You are the reason I was born, to be your mom. You are my everything. I don't know if any words I could write can ever express how much you are loved in this world by me. I'm not sure anyone will ever be able to tell you how much I loved you. How I loved you to the point it made me cry. How I love you to the point it hurts sometimes to breath. I love you with the weight of an entire universe. Your laugh melts my heart and cheers me up. The way you think everything is a game reminds me to slow down. The way you tell me you need mama and your blanket makes my heart stop. Your little feet running on the floor is the sweetest sound. I love looking at your small features and marveling at how tiny you are. Your nose that is half the size of mine, your tiny eye lids, your small lips your teeny cheeks. I marvel at how something so small can feel so big. You ask me for your hat and coat in the morning and it breaks my heart how grown up you are. When I eat dinner you ask if I'm done. You ask if I'm eating salad, NO, are you eating pa tay toes, NO, you eat sannwich? It is so cute when you ask what I'm eating. You call all cake birrday cake and you still say eye cream when you want some ice cream. Anytime you want cake you declare it someones birthday hoping that just by you saying it cake will appear. You call your milk nilp and you always request it chogglet.
You sleep better in my arms and you sweat so much but love to be hot. You cuddle your pillow now which I find so grown up. You want to do everything yourself and you want help at the same time.
Writing to you now is making me cry because the thought of ever having to leave you hurts me to the core. It is the most painful thing to think of besides thinking of losing you. I fear if I was to leave you would never know how I truly felt about you. You would never know my hopes and dreams for you. You would never know what your mom thought about your choices (I'll always support them). I can't imagine leaving you but I wanted to write to you now so you knew even a little bit how much you mean to me. I can't express it enough but you are my life. That is the only way to say it. If you stop breathing I stop breathing. If you hurt I hurt. If you cry I cry.
I want you to thrive in the world. I want you to fall down and get hurt because it means you weren't afraid to try. I want you to go down the big slides and across the monkey bars. I want you to snowboard and have bruises because that means you had a great time. I want you to play sports so you learn about being a team and having those close friends. I want you to give grandma hell and never take shit from anyone. I want you to love your dad unconditionally but never be afraid of him. I want you to love deeply and never be afraid of getting hurt because it just means you loved. I want you to be reliable and be on time. Never make people wait. I want you to enjoy food. Try new things and eat you way across the world. I want you to appreciate the smell of a rainy day. Know that presents aren't the most important gifts. Laugh easily at the little things. Do the things you love now instead of waiting until later or until the time is right. Make up your own mind about school. College isn't for everyone and don't forget it. Be honest and speak your mind. Don't shut down. Don't hold it all in. And if you ever have kids I hope you love them even an ounce of how much I love you. Remember physical harm is never ever the way to make your point especially with your kids. Don't be a bully be a lover. Hug your wife every day and kiss her good morning and goodnight every night. Tell those you love how much you love them every night.
Your too young to remember this but every night I kiss you and tell you I love you Brandon. Every night. You won't remember that I kiss you a 1000 times a day and hug you and just stop to rub your hair and tell you I love you. You will never remember that I always take your side and I always defend you. You will never remember that you make me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life.
I hope that you never have to read this because I'm gone, but instead you read it later in life when you have a family of your own. I hope that somehow you are able to see just how much I love you and adore you. I hope you can know that you are my whole life. No matter what anyone tells you, Brandon you are my whole universe, I love you, I cherish you and you are the best thing I ever did!
You are two. Well two and 3.5 months. You are amazing. You are clever and it blows my mind. You are potty trained. You come to me now and tell me you are happy. You have an evil grin, a real grin and a sad face.
What you really need to know though is you are my whole life. You are my heart and soul and my world. You are the reason I was born, to be your mom. You are my everything. I don't know if any words I could write can ever express how much you are loved in this world by me. I'm not sure anyone will ever be able to tell you how much I loved you. How I loved you to the point it made me cry. How I love you to the point it hurts sometimes to breath. I love you with the weight of an entire universe. Your laugh melts my heart and cheers me up. The way you think everything is a game reminds me to slow down. The way you tell me you need mama and your blanket makes my heart stop. Your little feet running on the floor is the sweetest sound. I love looking at your small features and marveling at how tiny you are. Your nose that is half the size of mine, your tiny eye lids, your small lips your teeny cheeks. I marvel at how something so small can feel so big. You ask me for your hat and coat in the morning and it breaks my heart how grown up you are. When I eat dinner you ask if I'm done. You ask if I'm eating salad, NO, are you eating pa tay toes, NO, you eat sannwich? It is so cute when you ask what I'm eating. You call all cake birrday cake and you still say eye cream when you want some ice cream. Anytime you want cake you declare it someones birthday hoping that just by you saying it cake will appear. You call your milk nilp and you always request it chogglet.
You sleep better in my arms and you sweat so much but love to be hot. You cuddle your pillow now which I find so grown up. You want to do everything yourself and you want help at the same time.
Writing to you now is making me cry because the thought of ever having to leave you hurts me to the core. It is the most painful thing to think of besides thinking of losing you. I fear if I was to leave you would never know how I truly felt about you. You would never know my hopes and dreams for you. You would never know what your mom thought about your choices (I'll always support them). I can't imagine leaving you but I wanted to write to you now so you knew even a little bit how much you mean to me. I can't express it enough but you are my life. That is the only way to say it. If you stop breathing I stop breathing. If you hurt I hurt. If you cry I cry.
I want you to thrive in the world. I want you to fall down and get hurt because it means you weren't afraid to try. I want you to go down the big slides and across the monkey bars. I want you to snowboard and have bruises because that means you had a great time. I want you to play sports so you learn about being a team and having those close friends. I want you to give grandma hell and never take shit from anyone. I want you to love your dad unconditionally but never be afraid of him. I want you to love deeply and never be afraid of getting hurt because it just means you loved. I want you to be reliable and be on time. Never make people wait. I want you to enjoy food. Try new things and eat you way across the world. I want you to appreciate the smell of a rainy day. Know that presents aren't the most important gifts. Laugh easily at the little things. Do the things you love now instead of waiting until later or until the time is right. Make up your own mind about school. College isn't for everyone and don't forget it. Be honest and speak your mind. Don't shut down. Don't hold it all in. And if you ever have kids I hope you love them even an ounce of how much I love you. Remember physical harm is never ever the way to make your point especially with your kids. Don't be a bully be a lover. Hug your wife every day and kiss her good morning and goodnight every night. Tell those you love how much you love them every night.
Your too young to remember this but every night I kiss you and tell you I love you Brandon. Every night. You won't remember that I kiss you a 1000 times a day and hug you and just stop to rub your hair and tell you I love you. You will never remember that I always take your side and I always defend you. You will never remember that you make me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life.
I hope that you never have to read this because I'm gone, but instead you read it later in life when you have a family of your own. I hope that somehow you are able to see just how much I love you and adore you. I hope you can know that you are my whole life. No matter what anyone tells you, Brandon you are my whole universe, I love you, I cherish you and you are the best thing I ever did!
11.04.2007
Your so happy
You have started doing something new. You come up to me, hug me and whisper, "I so happy." It melts my heart Brandon. I love knowing I make you happy. Although you say it more often when you are full of pancakes!
Brandon your mom is so happy too!
Brandon your mom is so happy too!
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. COPYRIGHT SHANNON MATEO 2007 DON'T STEAL MY SHIT FUCKERS!