Hi little love

I haven't written in so long. I think about writing you all the time, but, it seems lately you grow so very fast it's more important to just soak you up, then waste time writing about it. You get bigger every day and your youth is fleeting. I can't believe how sweet you have become. You tell me I'm a beautiful princess. You kiss me and hug me and love me. You wake up and call out for me now too, not just dad and it thrills me.

Before bed we read books. You are beginning to memorize them. The same way I did when I was little. Our favorite books are Sleepyhead and How do Dinosaurs say Goodnight. You have slowly become so patient and loving with your brother and it just proves what I already knew, that you were destine to be the worlds best big brother ever.

Part of you growing up means your vocabulary is getting better. This makes me sad. Gone are so many of your cute words. You still say Marmle instead of marble, and Nilk instead of milk but no longer is there a noonle or a coyee, or an I wub you.

Your daddy is upstairs reading you books. Correction, you are reading to dad. You tell the cutest little stories to him based on the pictures. At school last week I dropped you off school the other day, I walked out and looked back in the window. You walked over to the little red couch, grabbed a book and sat down all by yourself and read out loud to yourself. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.

You are very into cooking now. I love to let you help me in the kitchen. I love how you totally smash the shit out of eggs when you crack them, and how only half makes it into the bowl. After we cook it and serve it you eat it and say its the best dinner ever. Then you say, "your the best mommy cook ever." At which point I melt into my plate. You say it to me all the time when I make spaghetti (which you call sgetti O's).

The point Brandon is how much I love you. I feel like we are actually becoming friends. The other day your dad told me I was wrong, and then told me no, you ran over to him, put your hands on your hips and said, "you don't tell mom no dad, shes my best friend." It was so sweet, and also hilarious. I love being your best friend. I love that you only say that about me.

I love you Brandon. I can't wait to grow up with you, learn from you and be best friends for ever.

Goodnight my love.

brandon, make a silly face

brandon, make a silly face, originally uploaded by wilddreemer.

Moments like this, remind me what a little man you are. I love you so much Brandon. Sometimes I think I forget your still just a little guy. I'm glad I have pictures to remind me your really nothing more then a silly goose egg!

Brandon got a dino face painting

Brandon got a dino face painting, originally uploaded by wilddreemer.

I love you my sweet birthday boy!

The birthday cake

The birthday cake, originally uploaded by wilddreemer.

I aksed him to take a picture and he gave me a kiss, I melted of course

I aksed him to take a picture and he gave me a kiss, I melted of course, originally uploaded by wilddreemer.

3

Three years ago my entire life changed. Three years ago today I was in a hospital room with your dad bringing you in bed with me. You were all swaddled up and I told him I couldn't bear to leave you in your little plastic hospital bassinet. Three years ago I told your dad it was just for one night then you would sleep in your own bed. 23 months later you finally went into your own bed. Three years ago you were all swaddled in your little blue blanky and you shook your tiny wrist like you did in my belly. Three years ago tomorrow I clipped your tiny finger nails and clipped the end of your thumb off. It was a small cut but 3 years later I haven't forgiven myself. Three years ago I realized I would never love anything like I loved you. Three years ago your dad and I spent 30 minutes recording you with your first hiccups going on and on about how cute the tiny noise was. Three years ago your dad discovered you loved to sleep on his chest and you've never left. Three years ago I cried every time you cried. Three years ago I learned your dad was better at swaddling then me. He is still better at most things then me. Three years ago I heard your tiny cry for the first time and I cried and I realized that you were the love of my life. Three years ago I realized I had become that mom. You know, the one who loves their child so fiercly it hurts. Three years ago I delivered the best thing that ever happened to me. Three years ago I fell in love with your dad all over again just watching how much he loved you. Three years ago the most loved little boy ever was born. Three years ago my dad became a papa and you and him have been together ever since. Three years ago my mom finally got her grandson to teach boy things too. Three years ago you were born and all of our hearts opened along with our eyes.

Brandon, I love you more then you're ever going to know. I love you more every second. I miss you when your in the other room. I hope someday you grow up and realize even a fragment of how much I love you. Happy third birthday my dear son. One more time, I love you!

Mommy

I don't know where you learned it but this week you started calling me mommy. I love it! You just told me, when I went to find the spider in your sandbox,

"be careful mommy be careful. Come inside mommy, it will hurt you."

It was so freaking cute.

Every day when I get home you run up and kiss me then bend down and kiss Codi and hug him before he's even out of his car seat! I love that too!

Reminders of you

Brandon leaves little reminders of himself everywhere, originally uploaded by wilddreemer.

Someday, when your older and you've moved out, I'm sure I will find little reminders of you, and I'll cry because my once little boy is now gone off to bigger and better things like college and frat parties and beer bongs.

For now, I delight in finding small fleeting reminders of you, of places you were. I would save this apple if I didn't know it's fate of wasting away.

So I captured this photo, to remind me of the morning I woke up, when you were gone at grandmas, yet I found this, and somehow you were still at home with me hiding, in an apple.

Just for memory sake

o donald from wilddreemer on Vimeo.

FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL!

Today was your first day of school. You got all dressed, carried in your back pack and went to class. I went to kiss you good bye and you barely breezed my lips. Dad picked you up to kiss you and you told him, "I wanna go over there," and wiggled away. We left you there and you never looked back. I spent the better part of the day watching you on the little camera in your classroom.

I picked you up today and the first thing you said was, "I cry." I asked you why and you answered "I almost lost you mom." A part of me died inside knowing you thought I had left you there. Your teacher said such great things about you. She said you shared well, you picked up toys, listened and followed directions. I wonder if she was talking about the same kid I know. They told me you woke up from nap and cried for me. I was happy to hear you hadn't totally forgotten me. You ate your first salad today and I was so very proud.

I was overwhelmed to hear how wonderful you were. I hope it continues on this way. Tomorrow you have your very first field trip. I can't wait, but I'm also nervous. I'm packing your first lunch ever. It has watermelon, apples, cheese crackers, string cheese, a whole wheat cheese sandwich and chocolate milk.

I can't believe how big you have gotten. To be in school. You went potty like a big boy, and even though you are in the potty training class, you are already fully potty trained.

I'm crazy in love with you Brandon. I love seeing all the things you learn each day. You never fail to say at least one thing that blows my mind every day. I love to kiss you, even if you wipe it off. I love to hug you, even if you hate to sit still and cuddle me. I love to watch you eat your grown up bowl of cereal every morning and your worm noodles at night.

I love you my baby, even if your in school I can still call you my baby.

Good night sweet boy, I hope you had a great first day. I can't wait to see you in the morning.

Enough

Saturday you were showering me with kisses announcing that, "You a girl mom and you a princess."

This morning you said, "hey mom check this out", you gave me a big hug, I was so excited,

THEN YOU SAID,

"That's enough mom!"

And my heart broke!

A few things I want to remember

This morning I said "Brandon put your shoes on" You said, "thats a great idea mom."

When you put your shoes on you come show me each shoe. Then you stare at me until I say "good job" to each shoe. If I don't say it you stare longer and then say "GOOD JOB MOM GOOD JOB"

You can trace your hand now, you did it on about 18 pages of my pretty notebook.

You rub Codi's hand and sing "go to sleep go to sleep" or "don't cry Codi don't cry" to get him to calm down.

You sing Twinkle twinkle star I wonder what happened.

When you are doing something bad, and you know you are you have a bad habit of saying "MOM", then smiling and showing me what your doing...you then don't understand how you got caught.

Rawr

You are really into dinosaurs right now. You love them. All things dinosaurs are cool to you which is why I'm typing this with a dinosaur sticker stuck on my hand right now. You just ran in and put it on me.

The other thing that you love, would be your brother. Every morning you run out to find Codi and then you run up to him hug him and whisper "I lub you Codi, I lub you." Then you look at me and say, "Mom I lub Codi, he's my wittle brover I lub him." And then my heart melts out of my chest and I fall over and just die from happiness because you two love each other so much.

Your next favorite thing is making messes. Right now you are making a mess and shouting that you want more chogglet nilp, but you don't want to pick up the giant mess you just made.

And now I'm completely flabergasted because you did pick up your mess, and you put it back in the box with the lid on it and everything and I am pretty sure I just passed right out because I've never seen you clean. I guess you really want that chogglet nilp so I better go get it.

I love you sweet baby boy!

Oh sorry, your not baby, you big boy Bandon!

A memory

I want to remember this morning when you came to me and said,
"Mom I love you, I love you big much, BIG MUCH" while holding your arms as far out as they stretched.

Big much = this much

Dressing yourself

You have started dressing yourself. In the morning we had a routine. You would go potty then I would tell you to throw your clothes in the hamper. After that we would go in the room and I would lay out your socks, undies and pants and you would put those on.

However, last week you started dressing yourself. I would say go potty and before I knew it you would run in your room, pick out undies, and socks and pants. You came out last week with your pants on backwards, your undies inside out and slippers for socks.


This morning you came running out in your uggliest Elmo board shorts. You were so excited to open your pants drawer and see shorts in there now. I told you to go put them back because we already had an outfit picked out. You proudly came running out in yet another pair of board shorts. So we went in your room. That is when I saw that you had dug through both your shorts and undies drawer to pick out just the right stuff. You also threw the undies you don't like out of your drawer so that I wouldn't make you wear them. It was very cute. I laid out your new clothes and shoes and you put them on and then came out to get help putting the shirts on.

Yesterday we were riding in the car and you were going on and on and on about a car. Look mom a car, a car mom a car a car a car. Finally I was like YES BRANDON A CAR. You responded with, "Oh my gosh mom." It was very cute! Your dad laughed soooo hard. You smiled and said, "Oh my goodness." You make us laugh a lot.

You really love being a big brother. You love going in to see Codi when he wakes up. This morning you ran to the room shouting, "MY BROTHERS AWAKE MY BROTHERS AWAKE."

When I hold Codi you run over and kiss him and hug him. You are always telling me how much you love him and like him. I hope I remember these days when you two are beating on each other later in life!
This pretty much sums up our life right now!

I sure do love you Brandon. You are getting to be so smart and so funny these days. Every morning when we head to work you chase after the kids walking to the bus. You keep telling me you want to go to school with the kids. So we signed you up for pre-school and you are now on the waiting list to go. While I can't wait for you to go and learn and have fun, most of me is going to miss the heck out of you when your gone. I think I'm going to cry on your first day of school.

You are still my world little guy. I still love you bigger then the moon and sun together. Watching you grow and be a big brother has only made me love you that much more!

Oh my

Hi son! You are learning so much lately. Growing before my eyes every second. I blink and you already know something knew. Like above in that picture, you are learning to use buttons. You love to make big messes, the funny thing is after you do it, you run to me and say, "mama I make mess." It is like you want to get caught. You get in trouble a lot these days. The most recent example would be Monday when you pulled the fire alarm at a hospital. After that you started screaming that it was a monster when the lights were flashing. Now you run around all day asking for the fire monster and saying I make fire I make fire. It is hilarious.

You love your brother. You love to hug him and kiss him and hold him. You also love to wake him up. I think you are really ready for him to be old enough to play. You tell me all the time that you love him or you like him. When you go away for the weekend you miss him more the daddy and me.
You really love blowing out candles. It started with birfday candles and moved on to all candles. That means any time grandma or I light our candles we have to expect that seconds later Brandon will come running in and blow them out.
You speak in the third person. Everything is Brandons, or Brandon do it. You are always saying, "you wan come Bandons woom with me?" Or when you want to do something instead of have me do it, you say, "NO Bandon's do it!"

You love to name the animals you see. You tell me mama issa cow MOOOOOOO. Recently you've started asking if we can buy a cow. You ask this because Papa told you he would buy you a cow and you believed him. We can not drive by a farm without you getting angry that we are not in fact there to buy a cow. You have been potty trained for a while now but once in a while just for fun you will strip down naked and pee on the floor then run in and say "mama I pee floor!" In fact, just a few minutes ago while you were pinishing pooping you informed me that you Pee bath and opened the bath for me to see!

You still love to drink your Nilp but you have finally branched out some on your eating. You not only eat cheetos and macaroni now but you also eat pancakes, Elmo soup, raviolis, and cheese. You also taste things now. You see me eating something and announce, I WAN EAT DAT! You actually really like carrots and green beans. You really really really do not like spicy food. You spit it out, wipe your tongue and say I NEED WADDA WADDA WADDA!

You are often asking me, "mama whats that noise in dere?" I will tell you what it is, it's the TV or the dogs or the wind. If it is something you don't know then it instantly gets dubbed a monster. For instance the fridge made a noise the other day and when I told you what it was you declared it the PRIDGE MONSTER! You are obsessed with monsters but also terrified of them. Everything that you are uncertain of is a monster. Things that you are scared of on TV become monsters and you cover your ears so you don't have to see them? I don't know why you don't close your eyes but instead you cover your ears. Your new favorite friends are the dogs. Grandma brings her dogs to work every day and you LOVE them! They get you in a lot of trouble though. You like to dump out EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR TOYS and give them to the dogs to chew on. That is why most of your blocks are now half blocks and instead of having books you only have boo because the dog chewed the rest. One of your most favorite things to do is cuddle. I taught you that. I asked you one day to come cuddle with me. Now you do it all the time, you say, "I need to cuddle mama." You love to kiss me and smother me with kisses all the time. You give me hugs and now when I say, I love you Brandon, you reply, "I love you more." I don't know if that is possible. I don't know how anyone in the world could love anyone as much as I love you. I love you my son. I love you bigger then the world!