Dearest Brandon
It is February 9th 2007. I can’t believe another year has come and gone. It seems like ever since I had you time flies by. You do so much now that I can’t help but just sit and stare at you. I’m still absolutely in love with the back of your head. It is so round and beautiful. You finally started drinking regular milk and you started gaining weight a little from that. This week though, you got sick and lost 3 pounds. It was such a hard week watching you be sick. There were some slightly amusing times though. Like when you threw up on grandpa or when I opened your diaper three times in one day to find something that looked and smelled like chicken gravy with eggs in it. Your finally getting better which means your strutting around throwing high fives around like the big man you are. This week, I swear you started telling me No. In fact at dinner tonight I got a No, no noooooeeeeeee out of you.
Today when we were sitting at work and you were on my lap, you picked up your sippy cup and I realized that I love that first drink you take. I love the way your mouth looks right before you open it to put the straw in your mouth. I even love the sound you make when you take that first sip. I love how you come sit right in my lap now. I love when you want to sit in my lap you turn around and back into me until I pick you up. Then you grab your little cup by both handles and I get to watch that first sip from the front row. I love how you grab my hand and take me to where you want to be. I love how you still sleep in bed with me even though I’m letting everyone think I am “TRYING” to get you to sleep in the little bed I got you at the end of my bed.
As I mentioned you were sick this week. Everyone kept asking me, “Isn’t it so hard, aren’t you so upset?” But I have a secret to share with you. I actually enjoyed the time with you. You wanted to cuddle me, and just sit with me, and hug me and be with me. For the first time while you were sick you reached over and hugged me and wouldn’t let me go. I would try and move and you would tighten your grip. It reminded me of the episode where a moms teenage son starts to get sick and she gets so excited because he actually needs her again and calls her mommy. It was like all the sudden while you were sick you realized you could trust me and maybe you started to grasp the concept of love. Real love. Love like I feel for you. I feel you pumping through my veins. I think about you ever single second of the day. I worry and fret all the time about losing you or you losing me. I’m always wondering if I’m being the best mom for you. Every night before we go to bed while you are asleep I lean over and whisper, “I love you Brandon” with hopes that if your hear it while you are sleeping somehow it will burn so far into your brain, that you will remember now matter what how much your mom loves you. I hope someday you find these letters, most of them are in your scrapbook, and you know that you, my son, were really truly loved. Loved like most people spend their whole lives hoping they can be loved. Loved like I hope some day you grow up and feel for someone. Loved like you will only know the day your first child is born.
Okay enough sappy mush mush. A few other things you do now. You lift up your shirt and puff out your belly and stick it out like a Telletubbie, anytime someone says ”where’s your belly?” You know how to open every DVD player and you put in your favorite DVD’s. You can turn on the Superman TV in your room and then you climb in your rocking chair and watch previews until the play menu comes on. You can put the shapes inside the holes in all of your learning toys. You know how to close doors, and if you have a stool you can open them also. You can flush the toilet, while someone is sitting on it even, also you can open the lid, dip the whole roll of toilet paper in and then make little toilet paper balls all over the bathroom. You can also drop stuff in the toilet and then fish it out with the plunger. You can climb almost anything and jump off, HOPING, someone catches you. Sometimes they don’t and you fall into a pile on the floor. You can spin in one and a half circles and fall down. You know where your milk is in the fridge and also where mom stashes the Hershey’s kisses. You know exactly what face to make to get mom to give you the kisses. When you do something wrong, or someone gets hurt, or you just feel like it, you make the most adorable kissy face until someone gives you a kiss. You love Grandma and Papas dogs and you feed them Cheetos all day long. You also painted Rusty dog with chocolate pudding, after you had painted your face and legs. You are starting to fall in love with your daddy and sometimes it makes me sad when you go to him, but mostly it makes me so happy to see you and your daddy together.
I had so many beautiful things I wanted to say tonight in this letter but as always I forget them all by the time I come home and all I can do is think about how crazy in love I am with you. So if I haven’t said it enough, Brandon, you are my whole world. You are my universe, my sun, my rain, my night and my day. You make me whole. I love you Brandon more then you may ever know. However, I sure hope you know. I hope everyday your mad at me when your older, you remember, I love the world out of you. I hope when you are grounded or in time out, you remember that no matter what I’m sitting there hurting as bad as you, because I can’t be kissing and hugging you at that moment. I hope you know that every single moment of the day, I want to be kissing and hugging and smelling and snuggling you. I love you Brandon. No matter what happens in my life, you will always be the Best thing I ever did.
Love you.
It is February 9th 2007. I can’t believe another year has come and gone. It seems like ever since I had you time flies by. You do so much now that I can’t help but just sit and stare at you. I’m still absolutely in love with the back of your head. It is so round and beautiful. You finally started drinking regular milk and you started gaining weight a little from that. This week though, you got sick and lost 3 pounds. It was such a hard week watching you be sick. There were some slightly amusing times though. Like when you threw up on grandpa or when I opened your diaper three times in one day to find something that looked and smelled like chicken gravy with eggs in it. Your finally getting better which means your strutting around throwing high fives around like the big man you are. This week, I swear you started telling me No. In fact at dinner tonight I got a No, no noooooeeeeeee out of you.
Today when we were sitting at work and you were on my lap, you picked up your sippy cup and I realized that I love that first drink you take. I love the way your mouth looks right before you open it to put the straw in your mouth. I even love the sound you make when you take that first sip. I love how you come sit right in my lap now. I love when you want to sit in my lap you turn around and back into me until I pick you up. Then you grab your little cup by both handles and I get to watch that first sip from the front row. I love how you grab my hand and take me to where you want to be. I love how you still sleep in bed with me even though I’m letting everyone think I am “TRYING” to get you to sleep in the little bed I got you at the end of my bed.
As I mentioned you were sick this week. Everyone kept asking me, “Isn’t it so hard, aren’t you so upset?” But I have a secret to share with you. I actually enjoyed the time with you. You wanted to cuddle me, and just sit with me, and hug me and be with me. For the first time while you were sick you reached over and hugged me and wouldn’t let me go. I would try and move and you would tighten your grip. It reminded me of the episode where a moms teenage son starts to get sick and she gets so excited because he actually needs her again and calls her mommy. It was like all the sudden while you were sick you realized you could trust me and maybe you started to grasp the concept of love. Real love. Love like I feel for you. I feel you pumping through my veins. I think about you ever single second of the day. I worry and fret all the time about losing you or you losing me. I’m always wondering if I’m being the best mom for you. Every night before we go to bed while you are asleep I lean over and whisper, “I love you Brandon” with hopes that if your hear it while you are sleeping somehow it will burn so far into your brain, that you will remember now matter what how much your mom loves you. I hope someday you find these letters, most of them are in your scrapbook, and you know that you, my son, were really truly loved. Loved like most people spend their whole lives hoping they can be loved. Loved like I hope some day you grow up and feel for someone. Loved like you will only know the day your first child is born.
Okay enough sappy mush mush. A few other things you do now. You lift up your shirt and puff out your belly and stick it out like a Telletubbie, anytime someone says ”where’s your belly?” You know how to open every DVD player and you put in your favorite DVD’s. You can turn on the Superman TV in your room and then you climb in your rocking chair and watch previews until the play menu comes on. You can put the shapes inside the holes in all of your learning toys. You know how to close doors, and if you have a stool you can open them also. You can flush the toilet, while someone is sitting on it even, also you can open the lid, dip the whole roll of toilet paper in and then make little toilet paper balls all over the bathroom. You can also drop stuff in the toilet and then fish it out with the plunger. You can climb almost anything and jump off, HOPING, someone catches you. Sometimes they don’t and you fall into a pile on the floor. You can spin in one and a half circles and fall down. You know where your milk is in the fridge and also where mom stashes the Hershey’s kisses. You know exactly what face to make to get mom to give you the kisses. When you do something wrong, or someone gets hurt, or you just feel like it, you make the most adorable kissy face until someone gives you a kiss. You love Grandma and Papas dogs and you feed them Cheetos all day long. You also painted Rusty dog with chocolate pudding, after you had painted your face and legs. You are starting to fall in love with your daddy and sometimes it makes me sad when you go to him, but mostly it makes me so happy to see you and your daddy together.
I had so many beautiful things I wanted to say tonight in this letter but as always I forget them all by the time I come home and all I can do is think about how crazy in love I am with you. So if I haven’t said it enough, Brandon, you are my whole world. You are my universe, my sun, my rain, my night and my day. You make me whole. I love you Brandon more then you may ever know. However, I sure hope you know. I hope everyday your mad at me when your older, you remember, I love the world out of you. I hope when you are grounded or in time out, you remember that no matter what I’m sitting there hurting as bad as you, because I can’t be kissing and hugging you at that moment. I hope you know that every single moment of the day, I want to be kissing and hugging and smelling and snuggling you. I love you Brandon. No matter what happens in my life, you will always be the Best thing I ever did.
Love you.
Mommy
P.S. This is your adorable kissy face.
2 comments:
You are truly amazing! I learn from you every day and can only hope to be half the mother that you are. I am so thankful that you are in my life so when the day actually comes that I have a kid, you are right there to help me! Brandon is the luckiest kid ever.
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